I love the chorus of Selina Gomez’s new song…”Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning”
And it kind of goes with the story below so feel free to click her name and listen while you read. 🙂
When I moved into my current house over 2.5 years ago I was in the frame of mind it was temporary. I won’t be here long I thought, just a stopover. Looking back it was a coping mechanism in order to avoid feelings of unsettled confusion about the challenges of being a single divorced parent. I was often asking myself, “where is my life headed now??” That feeling of not having answers and really wanting familiar stability was getting the best of me.
Six months after moving into this house the relationship I was in -that I had high hopes for, ended leaving me even more confused and slightly depressed. One morning I woke up and was feeling pretty emotional. As I had coffee in the kitchen I thought about how sad I was that my life was deflated. It’s like postpartum of divorce -the emotional responses followed by a few broken relationships leaving you disillusioned with that part of life. I remember having the sensation that the ground beneath me wasn’t solid. Since I’ve been emotionally stable most of my life (as far as I know) this was pretty scary. Am I going to be okay? How do I pull myself out of this? I quickly started a downward spiral from fear into panic.
Then I looked up and thought, “God help me.” And it caught my eye…
Six months of living here and I hadn’t noticed a small sticker that was on the upper right corner of the sliding glass door to go outside. A door I opened multiple times a day to let my dog in and out of. How could I have missed it? And yet here it was all along placed by someone who lived here before me and there wasn’t a better moment for me to find it. I needed it desperately…
It was a serious relief when I read it and it actually brought me to tears. It was a miracle no doubt. Not only was I hearing an answer to my prayer in a very dark moment but it was like the house spoke to me. (Okay feel free to laugh, but it’s true!) I just stood and stared at it in disbelief. I started to feel maybe the house is a place of healing and growth. Others who had lived here felt it too and even left a message behind. And another thing I love about this house- it smells good. When I open cabinets in the kitchen that have pots or bowls a warm woody smell emanates. Hard to explain but this 30+ year old townhouse smells like solid old wood and roses. I swear I can even smell it outside walking towards the front door. One more thing I’ve come to appreciate are the sunrises from my bedroom -picture above-…they are incredible! It‘s almost turned me into a morning person. Almost.
I was recently telling my friend and mentor, “..maybe when I figure out how to experience love and support in the safety of the universe at all times, I’ll be ready to move.” Maybe that’s this house’s dharma. Its purpose is to provide a healthy space for those of us who need to learn the lesson. Okay that’s probably far fetched and reaching into a tree hugging realm but I like it. It still resonates with me since I first saw the sticker over 2 years ago. It’s a house miracle walking me through the dark side of the morning. 🙂
Please feel free to share your miracles! Those incredible moments when you know -you’ll never forget and you’ll never be the same.
with ♥, Brooke