“Where the attention goes the energy flows” -unknown, but said in a yoga class.
I was in yoga class last week and my awesome teacher started with a quote that made my ego immediately get grumpy. It was such an automatic response that I almost laughed out loud, but I was too busy pouting. Now I’m laughing… she said, “The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.” In my head, I said “Oh no, that is wrong!! For sure. That can’t be right. Is that right? Wait, if that’s true…shit.”
I am laughing now because it was such an obvious moment for my ego to get really triggered, totally blow up like a puffer fish and be caught red-handed. I worked it though my head during the entire class and the week since.
Where is the kernel of truth in her statement?…If I admit that the way I do one thing is the way I do everything then at my worst I’m lazy, over-indulgent, apathetic, and tend to feel sorry for myself (although I’ve been conscious of this and working on it for a while now). But other days I’m super charged, energetic, feeling clear headed and grounded. Am I the only one living life on the edge of my own making having a very-mini-bipolar existence sometimes? 🙂
Fast forward a few days when a friend was over and he saw me interacting with my 17 year old son. I was having a typical struggle about him coming home too late on a school night among other things. I was upset, but not willing to have a full blown fight. This is the common teetering I find myself doing with him…being a good strong parent and drawing firm lines but also not SO hard that he continually hates me, (sometimes it’s ok) or worse, continually hates himself. My friend was witnessing this and said, “You do this with him…back and forth. Why don’t you just make a decision to be one way or the other and stick with it?” …and ah, ha! The yoga moment came back to me, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
So the way I do things is…I teeter, but I know in truth we all do. It’s when the ego steps in and says, “I got this. I’m going to do this my way and see where it goes.” And for me it pretty much goes straight to the toilet. I can hear my Dad’s favorite saying in my head, “Ego stands for Edging God Out.” When we take the reigns we think we are in control. We assume we have control and usually, -eventually that leaves me pleading, “please God can you take over now?”
Another epiphany I had a few weeks ago should have made her statement ring true in yoga, but again, ego was standing firm on blocking that. I was working from home and in a bit of a slump. Not feeling like I could get more done than the basics. This went on for a few days and as I looked at my dogs the familiar guilt set in…I hadn’t taken them for a walk in 2 or 3 days. They were starting to blend in with the couch cushions. I should be a better dog mom. I thought, “how can I be a better dog mom?” and right away I heard, “I’m not going to be a better dog mom, until I become a better person.”
Yes, that message came to me weeks before the yoga class and I still almost missed the connection. Thank you ego. But in this quote I’m reminded of the good in my experience:
“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice
because thorns have roses.”
We all battle with ego whether we are aware or not. Ego is our thorns, but ah, to have roses. Beautiful roses. When I am blessed to remember God and ask for His help there is no better day for me. When I hand it over to Him, it removes the pressure to figure things out, get my life right, even to be a better dog mom. These are things my ego wants...but if I take away all the wants -the roses can bloom. Dear God, thank you for your beautiful roses!! I am one grateful puffer fish.
Please feel free to share your ego triumphs. We can knock it down, step by step…or perhaps pebble by pebble. Let’s do it laughing and share the fun! 🙂
with ♥, Brooke