I’ve been welcoming myself to my 40’s since last month. And actually to my total surprise it’s been fantastic. Remember when we used to hear it was more likely for a women to be a victim of a terrorist attack than to get married after 40? I’m pretty sure that lame-o saying came about before internet dating, but still it leaves a particularly bitter taste in my mouth.
Now the tides have changed and we connect online for love easily…right? If by easy we mean a tinder hook up, sure. Maybe a short term 3 month romp, sure. Maybe a not so healthy relationship for a year, why not? While I’ve tried a few of those I’m coming to a new conclusion that’s really worth exploring: being single isn’t so bad! In fact, there is a power in it that I haven’t felt before- ever in my life! Maybe that’s to be expected since I got married at 20 years old. And later, suddenly being single at 36 is terrifying trust me. I lend support to anyone in a similar situation…it’s truly shocking even when you think it could happen or even (gasp) when you choose it!
And so 4 years later what have I learned? Being in fear mode is not a good place to make decisions from. That’s my new motto actually…no decisions made in fear. It reminds me of the bumper sticker I keep seeing (and pondering over) “no bad days.” …No bad days?? Hmm… really I don’t know if I believe it, but I like it. My bumper sticker says, “no decisions made in fear.”
So If we’re not making decisions based in fear then we have to be ok. We have to literally feel ok with ourselves on the inside to make a decision knowing it’s not fear based. And as Kyle Cease suggests, we should acknowledge whatever feeling is there and follow it with the phrase, “and that’s ok.” It has a lot less power over you when you accept it and even more when you love it. But what happens when you are in fear mode? Well my list looks something like…unhealthy relationships, priorities run-a-muck, taking jobs that feel crappy and lastly the worst offender for me -my kids in the crossfire of those poor decisions.
Getting onto the good stuff…I’m in a new place and I’m starting to be truly inspired by the incredibly independent singles. Amazing people, single by choice or single by situation and totally on fire -not defining their lives by marriage or partnership, but carving out their place in the world on their own. And even more so doing it at 40, 50, and 60?! I will admit the old me sometimes has a tight grip and says, “yeah it still sucks” but I know that’s not really true anymore, it’s just a bad-habit thought pattern. It certainly doesn’t have to be that way. Inspiring people everywhere are showing up differently and proving it. I’m feeling grateful for being single today because I don’t have to make decisions with anyone but myself. Other added benefits; I don’t have to watch something on TV that I don’t want to watch, I don’t have to brush my teeth until noon, and I can leave dishes in the sink. The list goes on. How about being single, owning it and loving it?! I know one thing for sure, I’m not sacrificing my new found freedoms and fierce independence for anything other than that incredibly awesome can’t-be-denied even fiercer LOVE.
Buddha Mamas -whether single or attached please feel free to share your stories of independence.
with ♥, Brooke